Stage 5 Clinger

One of my most favorite photos of my daughter ever was taken first thing in the morning. She’s got sleepy eyes and a big ol’ booger hanging out of her nose.
She’s absolute perfection…

When I was younger, I dreamed of having a precious little girl one day. A sweetheart who would be just as affectionate as I am. And God heard me. And He gave me even more than I dreamed of…

She loves to snuggle, and give kisses and noses. We lay in bed and watch movies together. I love it. And lately, she’s been extra snuggly and wants to hug me or touch me all the time. Which I’m usually happy to do!

And then sometimes I’m trying to get out the door so I don’t show up late to my first day of class…

The sweetest thing about it is, she doesn’t say I want a hug, or please pick me up. She says I want to hold you, mommy…hold you and it melts my heart away. She just wants to cling to me like a baby monkey.

This morning, she woke up and said the same thing she always says…

“Mommy?”
“Yes, Gorgeous, I’m here.”
“Hold you…”

On it! I put down the bag I was packing and went straight to her. I knelt down to hug her while she was laying in bed. Then she said something she’s never said before..

“Pick me up, Mommy.”
“Ok, baby.”
“Stand up, Mommy…for your belly.” 

Belly to belly. As close as we can get. As I was standing there holding her, I began thinking of how I awoke this morning.

“Good morning, God.”
“Good morning, Beloved.”
“Thank you for another beautiful day in this life.”
“It’s My pleasure.”
“Will you please stay with me today? Live in my heart and help me be light and life?”
“You already are. I am with you.”

This is a completely different picture of how I used to start my days…

UGH…why is it morning already?? I just want to stay in bed.
I’m going to reset the alarm so I can sleep a little bit later…

20 minutes later…
Ok…I guess I have to do this. I can’t stay in bed all day…
But I’ll just check my phone right quick before I get up… 

10 minutes later…
WHY do I get so many emails?? I hate these stupid things.
Why didn’t more people like that photo I posted last night? I guess I don’t have a lot of friends.
Maybe it’s because I’m introverted, people don’t get me. Was the photo stupid? I shouldn’t have posted that…
Oh well, I need to go reply to that email about setting up that meeting I don’t want to go to.
Oh yeah, while I’m on here I’ll check the weather. And I need to reply to that text from yesterday.
And then I’ll google about that weird spot I found last night, just in case…

5 minutes later…
Crap…now I’m running late…again. I guess I’ll just wash my hair and skip the shower. That’s what they make deodorant for…
And I’ll eat breakfast in the car.
Ok, I can do this. I’ll get through this day. I can get through this day… 

You see, back then, it was up to me to get through the day. To bear it. To survive.

But that’s not me anymore. At least…most of the time.

Now I can’t start a day without talking to God first. I have to cling to Him before I do anything else. Just like my daughter reaching out for me, I reach out for my Father. Because I’ve come to realize that nothing is in my hands.

He’s got the whole world, in His hands…

That includes my day. My family. My job. My life. It’s all in His hands. So every morning I give it to Him to handle.

I would always read in books, blogs, and websites that the way you start your day is crucial to your success. And I’d think, oh it can’t be that important. I mean, I’m doing ok and I don’t do that quiet time stuff. I mean, who has time for that? Shouldn’t we just be using our time to get more stuff done?

No, actually. Sometimes being quiet with God IS EXACTLY what you need to be doing.

This one change in my day has completely transformed my life.

And this took time. I started with just a couple of minutes over a year ago. As soon as my alarm went off, I said a short prayer setting an intention for my day.

Over time, it’s blossomed into a full 20 minutes and, depending on the day, sometimes an hour of prayer and study of the Word.

It’s no different than any other goal. Baby steps and you’ll get there.

 

 

 

 

Poison

So this year I have decided to focus on inner goals rather than outer goals. Which worked out really well since I had a stress fracture in my foot and every free second is going to painting and decorating the new house. So not a whole lot is getting accomplished in that department right now.

One of my absolute favorite things about our time in St. Louis was all the reading I did! I love getting lost in a book. Some days I would spend hours reading.

 I was also going to a body flow class and as a whole, feeling pretty relaxed despite all the uncertainty at the time. As soon as we got back to Texas it was like I was sucked through a vortex and tossed back in to “real life” leaving behind all the free time and the calm feeling. It seems like things have been going a hundred miles an hour ever since.

 I’m thinking this is what it’ll be like when we finally do have that first baby…but we don’t have to worry about that right now.

Anyhooser, I resolved to read more this year. 1 book a month to be exact. Which may not seem like a lot to others but for me, this is a big goal. I never make time for myself. I guess exercise has always counted as my “me time” and other things I love to do get pushed aside by the mundane tasks of every day life. But what do I do when I can’t exercise? (At least not like I want to.)

Running has been my therapy. It helped me through a lot of stressful times in the past couple years. The past several months have been some of the MOST stressful times of my life. And I can’t run it out. Instead, I’ve been filling every extra second to distract myself from a) food and b) the fact that I can’t run. And it hasn’t been working.

So, I am exploring other forms of stress relief.  I read somewhere that stress is poison and I believe that. I think that a lot of the issues I’ve been having with appetite, nausea, moodiness, insomnia, achiness, and difficulty breathing are due to a combination of my constant self-inflicted pressure and an inability to cope with the anxiety brought about by said pressure. I’m getting tired of feeling sick and tired and my “ignore it and maybe it’ll go away” method isn’t working out.

It’s all about what we make time for. And I have decided to make more time for stress relief in my life, like reading, and yoga. So I am going to create a yoga/meditation room in my house. This is my pinterest inspiration.

But like most pinterest ideas, I’m fully expecting this to be one of those “close enough” projects…

But that the is theme of my year. Letting go of my need for perfection and embracing life’s imperfections.

As far as reading goes, I really enjoy reading novels but I’m pretty picky about them so I decided to read books about leadership and motivation, a really interesting topic for me. January was a success and a really good read. I’m hurriedly trying to finish my February book before tomorrow. Don’t think I’m gonna make it but I’m blaming it on the fact that February is the short month.

“In the case of good books, the point is not how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.”-Mortimer J. Adler