If you’ve been following our story, you know that we recently decided to sell our house as a step on our journey of entrepreneurship. And several months later, we’ve finally received an offer on our house. Which is great news! Most people are jumping for joy when they sell their home because it means they get to go pick out a bigger, nicer, better place.
But that’s not our story right now. I’m trying really, really hard to reframe this situation. I want so badly to see this as a fun adventure. But instead I just see remnants of crushed dreams and what “should have been”.
I was cleaning out a closet last night and found an old photo collage I’d made in high school. I mean…look at these babies!!!
This image is from our first Thanksgiving together. We’d been dating a little over a year. I love how Josh’s hand is holding my head in this photo. Such a symbol of protection and shelter. There’s so much innocence and hope in this picture.
15 years later I know Josh feels like he failed at protecting me and Elora. We both thought we could have our cake and eat it too. But that’s not God’s plan. We’ve surrendered our dream to Him. Now we’re waiting for instructions on our next steps. And He’s been pretty silent on that.
This year, I’ve been working on my dissertation which focuses heavily on the topic of mindfulness. One of the books I’m studying is called Mindfulness: An 8-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World. Today I was re-reading a section and came across this quote:
“Memories are like propaganda”.
Yeah. I get that. Looking back on our lives it’s so easy for the good memories to seem great and the not so good ones to fade away. After looking at that picture I found a journal I kept in high school. Wow. It was eye opening to say the least but the thing that stuck out to me was I was writing about a lot of the exact same problems I write about today. I remember begging God to take my acne away and help me be more confident with myself. But I didn’t remember any of the things that were going on between me and Josh back then. Funny how that works.
Whether it was the picture-perfect season I remember or a time of life with its fair share of struggle…either way we can’t go back. We can only move forward. What was will never be again. And from what I’ve experienced, that’s usually a good thing when God is involved.
So rather than focus on what we’re losing, I’m choosing to see all the good things we stand to gain. Josh has not failed, in fact, he is doing exactly what God called him to do. Saving me from a life of mediocrity and complacency. He’s given me the priceless gift of transforming people’s lives through our gym. Which pales in comparison to any home we could ever own.
So here we go…