Today was a hard day. Actually, I’ve had a string of hard days lately. Days when the sadness takes over. I really don’t like those days.
Occasionally, when I’ve had too many of those days in a row, I lose it. Usually I am alone when this happens. I like to go home, run a nice hot bath, and just let myself cry. Alone.
But I don’t really have a lot time for planned break downs these days. So today some poor, totally unsuspecting, woman had to witness my crazy.
It wasn’t her fault really. She was just delivering news that was caused by the system she works in. But it was the straw that broke the camel’s back as they say. And I started weeping in front of her and everyone else in that office.
I call it volcano crying. It starts with quivering lips. Then your mouth puckers up because you’re trying to hold it in. Your bring your hand up to your mouth like that might help. But eventually the tears build up and you can’t hold them back any longer at which point your face erupts with tears. You’re still trying to push through so you attempt talking but your voice gets really high and your speech is nearly incomprehensible. This is the kind of crying you really only want to do alone. Or at least with a close and trusted loved one.
Not the receptionist at the doctor’s office.
But that’s what happened to me today. I eventually gathered myself and shortly after that humiliating experience I was in the restroom where I came across a small picture frame. I almost didn’t notice it had it not caught my eye at the last second before I was leaving.
It had a single verse which read
In that moment, I was feeling weak, shameful, and completely unsure of the future. Certainly not like the woman this verse describes. But I left the restroom with a peaceful sense of worthiness. I don’t have to believe what my enemy voice says anymore. I get to choose.
I don’t know how I’ve never come across this passage before but it totally struck me. These were the EXACT words I needed to hear. God knows what we need and when we need it. He speaks to us if we know how to listen.