I’ve never really been the “girly” type. I didn’t start wearing makeup until after college, I’m way too tall for heels, dresses make me fidget, and I’ve always had short hair that I don’t curl, braid, or dress in any way.
As a young girl, I was more interested in other things and by the time I realized it was ok to fix myself up a little bit I was too busy to learn how to do it properly. So it’s always been a little bit of an insecure spot. Now that I have a baby, a business, grad school, and 2 side jobs, I just don’t have the time to fiddle with such things.
Which unfortunately translates to my daughter. I like to attempt fixing her hair in pony tails and clips but 1) she hates it and 2) she pulls them out. To me it’s a time waster.
But now her hair is starting to get in her eyes and everyone thinks she’s a boy without her hair fixed.
So today I took Elora to school in an orange halloween onesie and gray sweatpants, and no hair decorations. She looked like a little boy.
When I picked her up from school, she had the most adorable pig tails in her hair! I really did think they were so cute. I complimented the teacher and thanked her for doing it. But when I got in the car I noticed this old familiar feeling…
I felt like a “bad mom” because I sent my child to school with hair in her eyes. Like less of a woman because I can’t figure out how to fix her hair cute and make it stay. And basically a terrible person because I don’t really care if she doesn’t have cute hair.
I spent the whole 10 minutes home berating myself and feeling embarrassed that someone had to help me with my baby. Luckily, I’ve had enough experience with this to realize when I’m headed down the shame hole. In no way did that sweet teacher intend to demean me by putting Elora’s hair in pig tails…Super cute pig tails.
She did a really nice thing for Elora and me. And I decided to be GRATEFUL for a teacher who loves Elora enough to fix her hair. That was a much better feeling than the self-imposed mom-shame I was headed toward.