Josh will probably agree when me when I say that I can be a butt sometimes. I think I’m pretty good at managing my emotions…most of the time. Now that we’ve been married so long, we rarely get in big fights because we’ve learned how to recognize each other’s triggers.
But lately I’ve been super overwhelmed with everything on my plate. So when Josh came home late from coaching at the gym the other night and said “what can I do?” instead of being sooo grateful for a husband that helps, I snapped at him like a jerk. He walked in and saw me furiously preparing for the next day like a madwoman. I still had so much left to do that evening and it was already past 7 so when he asked me how he could help I just clipped out “LAUNDRY, DINNER, DOGS!”
Because he is such a good man, he did not get mad and yell back. That sweet man hugged me. Oh my…things could have gone so differently. I think life really is a lot like those books we used to read as kids where you could choose your own ending. To spend the evening yelling and arguing about who does more around the house go to page 93. To hug your wife and tell her you are there to help go to page 54.
Thank goodness Josh chose page 54. He took care of it all, laundry, dinner, and the dogs. And I thanked him for helping me.
But later that night I was still just really irritated. I appreciated that Josh asked me what he could do but I was still angry that he didn’t just KNOW what to do. The dogs have to eat every night. Just feed them. The laundry is in the basket in the middle of the floor. Just put it away. It’s 7:30 and we haven’t eaten. Just fix something.
Which then got me wondering why I feel the need to thank him every time he does that stuff anyway. It’s just another thing on my never ending to-do list. Thank husband for helping around the house or he might not do it anymore.
But it’s his house too. Elora is his daughter too. It’s not all my responsibility. I don’t say thanks for brushing your teeth today, babe! He does it because it’s what you do. Just like the laundry.
All of this was going through my head when I sat down to nurse Elora before bed. I pulled out my phone and the first thing I see in my facebook newsfeed is this blog a friend shared called something like “why you should stop being an asshole wife”.
Noted. I was totally being an asshole wife.
I cannot find that article anywhere now. I would love to share it because it was such a good read but I guess it was meant for just me, I don’t know. Our purpose on this planet is to love each other. And a really good way for me to do that is to tell Josh thank you when he does stuff regardless of what it is or how he did it.
So today is Josh’s 30th birthday. We’ve spent nearly half our lives together. When I’m not being an asshole wife, I am in complete awe of the man he has become. While I was searching the internet for that article, I came across a lot of weird things…I don’t recommend typing “asshole wife” into your browser…
But most of the results were articles and forums about asshole husbands. I am so grateful that I am not searching the internet for advice on what to do about my jerk husband because I don’t have one. I do spend it trying to figure out how to get poop stains out of onesies, signs your baby is teething, and how to quit your Starbucks addiction, though.
Josh is up at 4:45 every morning to provide for us. He works hard all day to build the life we’ve imagined for ourselves. And when he finally gets home 14 hours later he still finds the energy to cook dinner and do the laundry. I have absolutely nothing to be upset about.
So, I’m sorry again, Josh, for being an asshole wife. But thank you for loving me anyway. Thank you for working hard, thank you for cooking, and thank you for killing all the bugs around our house. But most of all, thank you for being born so that we can share this life together.
“The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make — not just on your wedding day, but over and over again — and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.”-Barbara De Angelis