So here I am again…transitioning to a new season of life. Years ago, I sort of fell into my career in higher education and I’ve truly loved my work. I learned so many skills and met a lot of amazing people. But I’ve dreamed of owning my own business for a very long time. When Josh and I started CrossFit Backward Arrow, I knew things were changing for us. We had no idea where this adventure was taking us but we knew it was the right path.
And now we’ve hit a fork in the road…
This is how I envision it in my mind. One way is flat and at first glance, seems easier. But I have a strong feeling that way is muddy and I’m pretty sure my feet would drag and get stuck in the thick ground. I wouldn’t make much progress.
The other way is uphill and seems daunting. I can’t see what’s waiting on the other side and that’s unsettling.
Neither of these options is easy, they’re just hard in their own way.
So I’ve been staring at this fork for months now, trying to decide which way to go. As ya’ll know, I believe in intuition. I always ask God to guide me in my life decisions and He almost always answers me in various ways. But He’s been silent. Or maybe I just wasn’t ready to hear. So I have been sitting and waiting. That is until last week when I got my answer.
I was trying to decide if I should keep my job at the university and run the business on the side (the flat path) or leave my job and go full time with the gym (the uphill path).
One night last week I was leaving the gym after a long and taxing day. I got in the car and sat there quietly praying for a few minutes and taking deep breaths trying to make the decision. Feeling frustrated, I just suddenly said out loud “God, I don’t know what you want. What is it you want me to do?” I sat there in silence for a few minutes before turning on the car. I almost never listen to the radio, but for some reason I felt compelled to turn it on to Airone.
Here is the song that played at that moment:
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again
So there it was. My answer. Scary as it may be, it’s time to close the door.
When I left my job back in 2012 to move to St. Louis with Josh, I had no idea what was going to happen. We were moving there with no money, no jobs, no insurance, nothing. Just us and our clothes. Even though it made no sense and I was utterly terrified, I knew it was supposed to happen. And guess what? The money came and we were taken care of. And when we got back to Texas, things fell into place again.
And here I am in almost the exact same position. Leaving the security of my full time job and trusting that it will all work out.
In the book The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson he tells the story of Ordinary who lives in a town called Familiar. Ordinary has a big dream but he has to leave his comfort zone to go after it. And he has to entrust his dream in the hands of the One who gave it to him.
So even though it’s uncomfortable, I am prepared to leave the town of Familiar and climb the hill to my dream. And I don’t have to know what’s on the other side of the hill because The Dream Giver has this under control.