Fever

Being a mom is simultaneously the absolute best thing and the absolute worst thing. It’s a constant state of conflicting emotion. I am head over heels in love. I never get anything done because all I want to do is sit and stare at this beautiful face.

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Yet I feel the heavy weight of the responsibility of caring for this child’s every need. She is with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I look at that sweet baby sleeping in my arms and I feel completely inadequate. She depends on us completely for everything. She trusts us to take care of her and provide all that she needs to be healthy and happy. And I am so grateful that we get to do that.

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But it’s overwhelming sometimes. When Josh does have a free moment to take her for me (in between feedings of course) I feel lighter, and somewhat relieved. And then instantly guilty for thinking of the beautiful soul God gave us as a weight jacket.

It’s like that feeling you get on a windy day at the pool. The sun is shining and you’re hot so you get in the water. But when you get out the wind blows over your skin and you’re cold. But the sun is still shining so you get that prickly feeling from the warmth of the sun and the cool of the breeze happening at the same time. Like having a fever.

Parenting is an emotional fever.

 

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