To everything turn, turn, turn

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the seasons we live and it’s got that old song stuck in my head…

To everything turn, turn, turn
There is a season turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under Heaven

And now so do you…

But it’s so true. When you’re getting ready to have your first kid, people like to tell you how much your life is about to change. And I don’t think we can ever really prepare no matter how many people warn us that we won’t be getting any sleep for at least another decade.

sleepy-Tom-and-Jerry

Pregnancy is a roller coaster of emotion and the beginning of a huge identity shift. Josh and I have been together for nearly 14 years. Just the two of us. Now we are getting ready to add a third member to our family and it’s scary. Totally natural…but also really scary.

who am i

Due to the fact that my body has been taken over by a not so tiny (anymore) parasite, I’m feeling a lot more vulnerable than usual. Just when I was getting pretty settled in on who I am and what I value, I got thrust back into adolescent role confusion!

For those who don’t get my nerdy reference…here’s the chart…

eriksons-stages

Poor Josh. Between me and the dogs, he never gets any time to himself because we’ve all got this weird attachment thing going on. We follow him from room to room and compete for his attention. It’s weird.

Anyway, I am counting down the weeks until Elora Danan makes her appearance (16 or so). But I am doing this simultaneously out of fear of what we’re losing as well as excitement of what we will gain.

When I focus on the things we’ll lose like sleep, spontaneity, money, and freedom, I only feel sad. I really like the life that Josh and I have created. And since I’m a type A and an over-analyzer (thus, the blog) the pending transition causes me to feel quite anxious. But I can’t go down that road. Yes, this is a weird time. But I don’t want to waste it being afraid.

So I also sing this Brett Dennen song a lot

Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know
‘Cause it won’t last – the worries will pass
All your troubles they don’t stand a chance
And sometimes it takes more than a lifetime to know
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know

When I think about all we are about to gain, things lost seem insignificant.  Sometimes I go into Elora’s room and let myself dream about her. I think of those sweet sounds a baby makes in their sleep while they rest completely helpless in your arms. I think about the smell of baby lotion on soft skin fresh from the bath. I picture little footie pajamas and morning bed head. I picture my beautiful husband holding our little miracle in his arms. And I know that it will all be completely worth it.

season
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