You know how sometimes you see similarities between people and their pets?
This is Boon. He is our toy fox terrier that everyone thinks is a chihuahua. Boon LOVES to eat. Anything. I rarely ever have to sweep my kitchen because Boon takes care of that for me. He has had several trips to the vet because he ate things he wasn’t supposed to. I cannot count the times that Boon has been punished either by his own body or by us for eating things he wasn’t supposed to. But he just keeps doing it. He can’t seem to learn his lesson even after 7 years.
And that is how Boon and I are alike. I know that God has been trying to teach me not to put so much thought into perfectionism. But I just can’t stop. It’s a process that I have been fighting for years now.
I have this bad habit of using exercise to make up for my not so great diet. And I’ve had several injuries over the last couple of years that I keep going through the same process. Can’t exercise…get upset…suffer through until I can exercise again.
Most people would just adjust their diet, enjoy the time on the couch, and move on.
The sermon on Sunday was about not allowing our lives to be run by possessions, performance, or positions. He said sometimes when these things take over, we need to fast from them to refocus our priority back on God. I went home and told Josh that God was obviously forcing me to fast from running because I was allowing it to control my life. (and He’d probably like me to fix my relationship with food too) So I said I would try harder to appreciate this time being pregnant as a welcome retreat from the rigorous training I am always putting myself through. That was Sunday. I made it 4 days.
Yesterday, the weather was beautiful and my back was feeling pretty good so I decided to work out. I didn’t think it was too hard of a workout but I’m pregnant and I haven’t been consistently training for about the last 7-8 weeks. So it turned out to be hard and I sucked.
I went in to the house and laid down. (I was literally too tired to get in the shower yet.) And while I’m laying there I start taking a trip to negative town. I’ve been struggling with old body image issues and seeing stuff like this on my facebook newsfeed just fuels the comparison demon.
That mean voice in my head came out and she was being really hurtful.
Right then I felt three distinct thumps inside my belly. A few seconds went by and a couple more thumps.
It was the first time I’ve felt Elora Danan really kick. I’ve been feeling what you could call bubbles or maybe like a muscle twitch. But I never know if it’s really her or just gas moving around in there.
There was no mistaking these thumps, they were definitely her. It was as if she was saying “Mama?? Why you so sad? I’m in here and I’m healthy and I am exactly what you prayed for. This is what you’ve dreamed of.”
And she is right.