Back in early January, Josh and I were out and about on a Saturday. I was having somewhat of a “down day”. A few days prior, I had gotten a phone call from the doctor’s office that things weren’t quite right with my cervix and I’d need to come in for yet another procedure. That morning I’d listened to the newest song by Blue October “Home” which I love, but it also just made me sad because it’s about family.
“Like dancing in the kitchen in the pale moonlight
Only care in the world is that our kids are all right
Daddy loves momma and momma loves him
Tomorrow we get to do it over again”
So we stopped at a gas station and while the pump was going Josh sat by me in his truck. I held his hand and just told him how sad I was that my cervix wasn’t right. I wanted to have a ‘home’ with him so bad but after the ectopic and my cervix issues, I just didn’t know if it was going to happen. I started crying and Josh hugged me. He said some reassuring words I don’t remember because I was wallowing. The pump stopped and the day went on.
A few weeks later…
Funny how that goes. Now I sing that song for Elora any chance I get.
I love this memory because it helps me keep life in perspective. I’ve had such an easy pregnancy except for one issue. My SI pain. Which is pretty severe. I’m worried about it because it’s still pretty early. I barely have a bump. But sometimes I can hardly walk. I have to hold on to things or kick my leg out funny just to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night. What will it be like when my belly is the size of a watermelon?
The more I move, the worse it is. This makes exercise nearly impossible. And exercise is what keeps my brain happy. So this is a huge struggle for me.
But I have to remember that I don’t know what the future holds. If I have learned anything from my experiences with guillain-barre, illness, and stress fractures, it is that this too shall pass. Life’s like a jump rope. And nothing good comes from wallowing.