I lost it at work after my ectopic pregnancy. I was on the verge of tears all day. I had only been out of the hospital four days or so. But, like usual, I was trying to hold it in and just get on with what needed to be done.
My supervisor knew what I was dealing with and was being totally understanding. Around 3:30 she came in and said “Lindsay, I don’t want you to take this wrong way, but you look really pale and tired. Are you doing ok?”.
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. She sent me home and I was just so grateful. I was doing what I always do. Expecting too much of myself and holding weakness in. Hiding from people.
Looking back, I think I know why I cried that day. Of course, hormones played a major role but it was more than that. I felt seen. So many people just pretended like it didn’t happen. Others wanted to ask but I could tell they were holding back. I’m not upset with them because I was holding back too. Not wanting to make anyone uncomfortable. Because it is uncomfortable to comfort someone.
I am guilty of this too. I try to avoid the topic or person when I don’t know what to say. I am always afraid that I might say the wrong thing.
I’m reading a book called Shine by Edward M. Hallowell for a summer class which is what got me thinking about all this. In the first pages, he recounts a story of a man who inspired the book:
This is exactly what I do. I don’t want to do that anymore.
Two of my StrengthsQuest themes are Relator and Empathy.
People who are especially talented in the Relator theme enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal.
People especially talented in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others’ lives or others’ situations.
No one knows this because I’m too afraid to use them.
Imagine how much good we could do if we quit holding back and started reaching out.