Weary, not weak

I don’t know if anyone else ever used to watch Ally McBeal. It was a silly show but I really liked it. Probably because I could relate to Ally. (call me neurotic, you wouldn’t be the first)
The thing I remember the most about that show was that Ally had a theme song.

ally-mcbeal

I’ve always been that way too. Depending on what’s going on in my life I always have a song or a quote that I focus on. Like a motto or a maxim. When I was losing weight and running a lot, my quotes and songs were about making the choice to achieve your goals. Like this one by Edgar A. Guest:

“You are the one who has to decide. Whether you’ll do it or toss it aside; You are the one who makes up your mind. Whether you’ll lead or will linger behind. Whether you’ll try for the goal that’s afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are.”

I’ve always been one to go for the goal. So that worked for me then.

But the past 2 years have been tough. I’m tired and maybe I just want to be content where I am. Sometimes, just getting out of bed is the win. I put too much pressure on myself in a day. My planner tells me to workout at crossfit, be a superstar at work, do homework, go for a run, cook a gourmet (and paleo) meal for dinner, meanwhile, don’t forget to keep the dogs fed, house clean, and my legs shaved.

Who does that? It just makes me feel bad when I don’t meet that unrealistic goal.

why am i doing this to myself

Because if I don’t then I’m a lazy failure. At least that’s what my enemy tells me. But she’s stupid.

This morning, I started thinking about when I ran the marathon. I didn’t run the whole way. I had to walk sometimes and once, I even stopped completely to hug my nephews and Josh. But I still finished and I still learned a lot from the journey. In fact, that time I stopped completely to love on my family was what gave me the energy to finish.

Maybe life is like that. Maybe this is a time in my life when I’m stopping to rest. To take some time for me so that I can re-energize and be ready for what’s next. And that’s not lazy. I’m still in the race.

So here is my new theme song: Someday by Brett Dennen

In it he says “I may be weary but I am not weak”. Yeah, I like that.

happy face

 

“Perfectionism is not the path that leads us to our gifts and to our sense of purpose; it the hazardous detour.” -Brene Brown

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