Elephant in the room

I am pretty tall for a girl. I still remember the day we all had to go down to the nurse’s office in 5th grade to get weighed and measured. I got on the scale and I was already over 5ft tall and 100 pounds. The nurse felt the need to inform me that I was tall for my age. Like I didn’t know…




The past year or so I have been having a lot of back and neck pain and Josh tells me it’s because I have bad posture. I didn’t believe him at first, because pfft, what does he know? But the more I started paying attention to myself, the more I could tell he was right.

I started noticing how often I was slouching. I do it in the car to keep my head from being too near the top. I do it in crowds to keep from standing out too much. I do it in movies so that others don’t have to try to see around my head. All the time I try to make myself smaller.

So watching my body get bigger has been really, really hard. When you do research on Crossfit and women who weight train, most people proclaim that women will not bulk up. Muscle is leaner than fat so you will get smaller.

Well, that hasn’t happened to me yet.


When I was losing weight, I kept a journal of my measurements to help me track my progress. Once I got down to my goal weight, I maintained it for 3 years. I made a mistake and got that out last night and took new measurements.

Since starting Crossfit, my weight has gone up 20 pounds and my thighs and arms have gained several inches. It’s KILLING me. I feel huge. I am getting better at Crossfit every day, but I can’t seem to cope with what my body is doing.

This is obviously a test of my mental strength. I have been talking about letting go of the numbers and taking the focus off what I look like. So God has decided to see just how serious I am.

can do



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