Okay everyone…forgive me. I struggled with whether to post this or not. I try to keep this blog a place where others can learn and hopefully find inspiration. I don’t like to just talk about me, me, me, I find it self-absorbed. My personality type is probably only interesting to me, but I hope that this account will still provide some meaning to someone other than me.
My entire adult life has been addled with a feeling of dualism. I am extremely self aware so I know who I am but the problem is, it doesn’t make sense. I have always been so confused with how my overly perfectionistic and organized self seems to choke out my creative and imaginary side. And we all know how crippling perfectionism can be.
I was a Psychology major in college so personality and human motivation have always fascinated me. I took every assessment available when I got to college. I was 18 when I first took the Myers-Briggs. Oh I was so different back then, I am not sure I really knew anything at all. But my personality type seemed true at that time. I turned out to be an ISFJ. 10 years have gone by and I’ve made a lot of changes since my first assessment so I decided to take it again. I got a new type…and it explains a lot. I still relate quite a bit to the ISFJ, but the new one is much more accurate at this point.
INFJ=Introverted, Intuition, Feeling, Judgement
If you happen to be interested you can read the full description HERE, but to sum it up:
INFJ is the rarest type, often being cited as only 1-3% of the population. Which explains why I sometimes feel so challenged to find other people like me. I have always thought I was just a crazy, indecisive person. INFJs don’t believe in compromising their ideals. We are tough on ourselves and have a hard time finding others who have the endurance to keep up with us. It can be hard to be an INFJ.
A lot of people do mistake me for an extrovert. But it’s because I take great care to keep other people comfortable (no one knows how to deal with a quiet introvert). It’s so me to change myself in order to make others more comfortable. How exhausting. I have deep need to relate to other people, but I get frustrated with the niceties of society. Screw the weather, I want to know how you’re dealing with a major issue in your relationship. But I can’t ask those questions because that would be incredibly rude and presumptuous. So instead, I come across as aloof because I am too afraid to broach the topics I really want to get at.
Reading about all the personality types has helped take a lot of the pressure off. As I mentioned in the last post, I have spent so much time putting myself down for being quiet, passive, and let’s face it….nerdy. But knowing that I am a type, rare as it is, makes me feel better. Somewhere, there are others like me.
We are all just people with hopes, fears, and dreams. We can only be who we are and who we are is who we are meant to be. Too philosophical?
A star is a star
It doesn’t have to try to shine
Water will fall
A bird just knows how to fly
You don’t have to tell a flower how to bloom
Or light how to fill up a room
You already are what you are
And what you are is beautiful
-Jewel, What You Are
I am not perfect at everything but I can still do good things with the gifts I do have. I don’t have to be an extrovert, that’s someone else’s type. When I start to doubt myself, I remember the post I wrote about this same topic and mentioned Justin Furstenfeld from Blue October. Thank goodness he learned to accept himself and we all get to enjoy his astounding vocal and songwriting talents.