Thinly veiled

Lately, I feel like a phony. I’ve made up my mind to better myself in many areas but so far, all I feel is frustration and defeat.

I’m trying to be less socially awkward.

no talk

I’m trying to overcome fears.

scared

I’m trying to eat healthier.

force feed

I’m trying to take my focus off the scale.

scale

I’m trying to work on my stress management techniques.

paperjam

It’s a day to day thing. But where I struggle the most is my patience and grace with myself. At the end of the day, all my nice is gone. I’m tired of constantly redirecting my thought patterns. So I start going after myself. Ya’ll have heard my inner voice is not very nice. And this makes me angry with myself for letting her talk…which only perpetuates my problem. Why is it so hard to be nice? Just.be.nice.

I feel inferior most of the time because I never think I’m ______ enough. I want to be better at basically everything. But then what does that say?

Pretending

So many of the things I want to change about myself are innate. I am a perfectionist. I am a dreamer. I am futuristic. I am an introvert. How do I know if the distress I’m putting myself in now will be worth it in the end?

I know that changing my eating habits and focusing on being healthy rather than being skinny are good changes. I think trying to become less of an introvert and perfectionist are good changes. But I can’t deny that sometimes it just feels like I’m trying to be someone I’m not.

stop hating

 

 

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