In the spirit of not relying on quick fixes I have been doing a lot of work on appetite awareness. As ya’ll know, distance running has taken a back seat with all these stomach/health issues, so I am forcing myself to confront my emotional eating this year, not just mask it with exercise.
On the days when I am having strong cravings, I notice it’s because I’m bored. I don’t have anything to look forward to so I want to invent something. “Out to eat night” is my go to event. Even though I have made some really great strides with healthier eating (having 3 slices of pizza instead of the whole thing) I still depend on food to break up the monotony. As much as I am a perfectionist and I love routine…I hate the routine.
Saw this billboard around town the other day and it really caught my eye:
Not because I love hot dogs and slurpees, (I’m a pizza and margaritas kind of girl) but because it really struck me as screwed up. Why do we need to fill ourselves with food?
I have been a little depressed lately. Not feeling good for the last several months has really taken a toll on my psyche. And poor Josh. He just loves me and I insist on making it so damn hard on him. He doesn’t understand my preoccupation and I suspect a lot of people may find it baffling. Just stop! If only it were that easy.
But Josh said something to me the other night that I have already asked myself many times–What is so terrible in your life that you need to be depressed?
The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I am not empty, I am full. But not with food. God and his gifts fill me…When Josh kisses me hello after he gets home from work. The warm sun on my skin. A random text or snapchat from someone I love. The “muah” my nephews add to the end of the sweet kisses they give me. A thank you note from a student I’ve helped. The smell of fresh cut grass on the breeze at sunset. Going to bed without setting an alarm. A smile from a stranger.
I am seeing the world with new eyes. I’ve always enjoyed these things but now I want to breathe these moments in. To allow them to fill me. These moments will enter through my lungs and I will glow with a happiness and satisfaction that food or alcohol can never provide.