If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you

Gluten free is very trendy right now isn’t it? Everyone is talking about going gluten-free and more and more restaurants are offering gluten-free options.

I’m just over here like

chewing

But I’ve been noticing some…changes…in myself over the last year. I have spoken of it a few times on here, talking about how my hormones must be out of whack, I thought I might be pregnant, or just general complaints about how sensitive my stomach is. The issues are so widespread it’s really hard to determine what exactly is causing them, hormones, dehydration, stress, or maybe I’m just coo coo pants and it’s all psychosomatic. I just don’t know. Blood tests show nothing, other than a slight Vitamin D deficiency.

And so I scour the internet, doing what every American does…self diagnosing with unreliable and sometimes untrue information.

But when I started looking in to celiac disease some things started to click. Like the fact that I have many of the most common symptoms of gluten intolerance. One of which is vitamin deficiency. Vitamin D, in particular is important for your bones because it helps you absorb calcium. So that deficiency might also explain why I had a stress fracture in my foot.

Of course none of my issues are serious enough to get me in to the doctor in under 3 months so I wait. I can’t go until July. Maybe I’ll get some answers then. But in the meantime, Josh thinks I should go completely gluten free. So I’m like oh yeah ok, well everyone’s doing it. But then I went ahead and did a quick google search of ‘list of foods you can’t have with gluten intolerance’ and I’m like

happy_sad

People, I am not strong. At the end of the day, I’ve used up all my will power and good decision making skills. I just want to come home and eat cheese and bread and pasta. If I do happen to make a good choice and opt for the salad, it is drenched in fat-full ranch dressing.

In my reading I came across this statement in this article: If you experience any or all of the above symptoms, you may want to get tested for a gluten intolerance or celiac disease or try a gluten elimination diet. The answer could be life changing.”

It’s not that I can’t go a week without gluten, I mean it’s only a week. It’s the answer I’m afraid of. I am scared that at the end of the week (or two) that my symptoms will subside and I will be forced to accept that I will forever be that girl at the party.

stand by me

 

So I’ve been sitting on it for a couple weeks now. I just don’t feel ready to give up all the foods I love. In this time, I am forced to ask myself WHY do I love those foods? They hurt me. I’m like that woman in the lifetime movie that keeps going back to the abusive husband and everyone else in the world is like

anigif_enhanced-7095-1394503490-10

On the way to work this morning I was reminded of a post I wrote the summer I was training for the marathon. I found some diary entries that reminded me why I was putting myself through that process.

What if I had never had the courage to take that first step? To continue taking steps? What if I had given up and said that losing weight was “too hard” or running a marathon “wasn’t for me”. What life would I have right now?

Every single skipped dessert, every single turned down margarita, every single mile…all worth it to be the person I am today.

I remember back in middle school and high school playing basketball. I HATED running. It was a punishment. If you didn’t perform you had to run. I was awful at it too. Side cramps and burning lungs. I was always one of the last ones to finish the laps. But look at me now.

So with that realization in mind, I have decided to do this. Clean eating is a must and it may even involve eliminating gluten. I will fail a lot and I can’t guarantee a time frame. When I was struggling with weight gain I used to write in my diary that I had no idea when or how it would happen, but it would happen. I was going to get healthy again. And so here I am again, making the same pledge but with a different goal in mind. I am not 5 years old, there are way more foods than cheese and bread. Though I have made great strides in my eating habits and dealing with all my texture issues I feel I am being forced to take it to another level.

I envy all you who can pop a grape in your mouth and enjoy the flavors without having a gag reflex, those who can chew cooked carrots and swallow without making a face.

One day Lindsay…one day…

first step
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2 comments

  1. So sorry Lindsay, our Paula is the same way. She just can not tolerate gluten, She uses
    Almond flour for a substitute for flour. You can get more and more gluten free foods
    in the grocery stores. She cannot eat potatoes, rice nor pasta, however, I do not know
    if she has tried the gluten free pasta. Paula does not go to the Doctor with any ease, so she does a lot of experimenting on her own. Try the no gluten for one week and see if
    your feeling much better. Love you, dear one.

    1. There are a lot more options out there these days which is a good thing. I will have to touch base with Paula, I bet she has a lot of helpful tips for me! Thank you Aunt Ruth!

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