HSP

So I really hope I don’t get severely judged for this post but I’m gonna go ahead and put it out there and hopefully there are people who can relate. I don’t know how many people know this about me, I work really hard to keep it a secret because it’s not something that I like about myself. But I get bothered easily. Since infancy I have been an irritable person. Josh says I am just too aware of my self and others. I read in a magazine one time about highly sensitive people and I was like “YUP! That’s me!”

Noticeable Highly Sensitive Person Symptoms
Is able to perform deep processing of information.
Is loyal, hardworking and thoughtful.
Is good at doing tasks that need deep concentration and focus.
Is able to accomplish tasks with great accuracy, detail and speed.
Can stay still for a longer time than regular people.
Has a more active right brain.
Is creative by nature.
Can understand human emotions deeper than other people.
Is better at finding errors.
Is good at avoiding errors and mistakes as well.
Does not give his best on being watched.
Performs well in the presence of known people.
Works well when the situation is calm and relaxed; dislikes pressure.
Prefers to feel and experience quietly by himself.
Is a great organizer.
Is caring and compassionate.
Is inclined towards spirituality.
Has a sense of appreciation for nature, art and music.
Notices subtleties like changes in a person’s appearance, changes in some object’s placement.
Gets easily disturbed by noise.
Reads the mind and mood of others.
Is able to notice the slightest unusual smell.

I’m sure my family is blown away  by how many things on that list describe me. I can’t help my little self…I’m overly aware and so sometimes it causes me to find a lot of things annoying, for example

People who eat loudly in a movie theater…well people who do anything loudly in a movie theater
People who chomp down on chips
The sound of other people brushing their teeth (I can’t stand it, it gives me goosebumps every time)
Unnecessarily slow drivers
Stopping my day to use the restroom (what a waste of time!)
Loud talkers
People who block grocery aisles
People who invade my space in a public place
People who repeatedly press a crosswalk button
People who interrupt

This list makes me seem like such a shallow, hateful person! On the outside I’m like

But on the inside I’m like

It’s bizarre because I am an incredibly empathetic person. I literally feel the feelings of those around me. And I absolutely love helping and donating to others, I mean that’s what my career is focused on. But with all the change and uncertainty in my life this year my patience has been tested. When I feel out of control, my irritability gets worse.

Poor Josh, I hold in my feelings all day long and when I get home sometimes I just can’t hold them in anymore. He has just learned to recognize that I’m dealing with my own stuff and it has nothing to do with him. So my outbursts usually get met with something like this

I just can’t help but wonder how this has been affecting my running. Like I talked about in my last post, Iam just not feeling it lately. I am irritated by the whole process of deciding what workouts to do, making sure my ipod is charged, packing my backpack for the gym after work…BLAH BLAH BLAH.

My personal life is a bit of a mess and so my workouts have been suffering. I’m just lacking the motivation and patience to do what I know I need to do.

“Patience is not active; on the contrary, it is active; it is concentrated strength.”-Edward George Bulwer-Lytton