A hunger

Life is quite different for me right now. When Josh was in school full time and working part time, I was working a full time+ job and we were both trying to stay fit. I mean, we were just so darn busy. Then go ahead and add in all the traveling we did to weddings, showers, conferences, etc. and we were lucky to see each other 2 or 3 nights a week. So if we did just happen to have a free weekend night together…well that was cause for CELEBRATION!

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Yeah…things aren’t like that anymore. We go to work and we come home and we’re together. Every night. Every weekend is a free weekend together.

I don’t know exactly what it is that child-less adults do on the weekend but I’m pretty sure it’s not get drunk and watch an entire season of Scrubs on DVD. We’ve got to come up with some hobbies that DON’T include food and beer.

Even though my old lifestyle is gone, the tendencies are still there. I have always viewed food as an activity. As something to look forward to. Work used to keep me so occupied that I didn’t really have time to think about food or even eat it sometimes. But my life has slowed down drastically for the moment. And in all the extra time, I find myself thinking about food…A lot.

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This is a problem. Thus far, I have been able to avoid this issue by busying myself.  And that is fine. But, simply filling my time does not solve the underlying issue. It merely distracts me.

When I was substitute teaching in St. Louis, I came across a book in one of the classrooms. I do not remember what this book was but I took a photo of the description on the back because it struck me.

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It struck me because I am the complete opposite of this. And I would like to change that. I believe that little Ida B is right. There is much more in this life to occupy my mind and time than what I’m going to eat. But I don’t want to mindlessly fill my time. Instead I want to feed a hunger for life. I want to find fulfillment in things other than food. So, just as I have worked to replace negative body image thoughts, I need to retrain myself about the purpose of food. But rewiring a 27 year old thought process is not going to be easy…

“It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger after them.”-George Eliot

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