So I don’t know if I should be embarrassed by this or not but it’s a truth so I guess I should just say it. I really love animated kid’s movies. They are guaranteed to put me in a good mood even if I have sunk to an all time low. Which I did this weekend.
But then something lovely happened…Up and Despicable Me were both on tv at the same time.
Though the day started out pretty miserable. I just was not any fun to be around. I didn’t even want to be around myself, which was impossible to avoid thus deepening my lousy mood.
But even while I sat at the computer angrily slamming out words on my keyboard for my previous blog I couldn’t help but smile at Agnes on the tv. That little cutie…
When I have a daughter I hope with all my little heart that is she is just like Agnes. But there was something even more important about this movie being on at that exact moment in my life.
The first time I ever watched Despicable Me I was alone in my hospital room in January 2011. I was in the midst of guillain-barre syndrome and very, very discouraged. At that point, I was about a year in to my weight loss journey. I had only lost about 20 pounds but I had worked very hard to lose those pounds. I had started Insanity and was finally beginning to feel confident in myself. I started believing that I might actually lose all the weight I gained.
Then I got sick. And all the confidence dissolved and left only despair. You can read about my experience here but in short, I was very weak. Like, have to hold on to the hand rail to go up and down the stairs weak. Like, have to stop to sit down after walking only a few minutes because my muscles were so fatigued weak.
And this pissed me off. It made me feel hopeless. I felt robbed of the work I had put in so far. At that time, I thought I had lost all the progress I made.
And that is the same feeling I had this weekend. And many of you must be wondering what awful, terrible thing could have left Lindsay so grief stricken? What could have possibly happened to cause this usually upbeat, positive woman such gloom?
And I am disgraced to admit that it was simply the news that Josh and I will be moving back to the same town we just left. The same town we just cut ties with.
And we knew it was a possibility. It definitely was a possibility because Josh is under contract to be a physical therapist in 1 of 2 towns. But I was just really hoping and praying and begging that it wouldn’t be this one. But it is and so here I was, terrified that I made a ruinous mistake leaving my job and everything I worked for.
Much the same as I felt that January day, laying in my hospital bed watching Despicable Me in a feeble attempt to escape the thoughts in my head.
This is a picture of Josh and me while I had guillain-barre, about a week before being admitted to the hospital.
And if someone could have walked in to my hospital room and shown to me a picture of what I was to become, of what I would eventually create: 70 pounds lost and marathon finisher.
A marathon was the absolute last thing on my list of things I believed I could accomplish that day. But if I could have been shown the future, I wonder how it would have affected the outcome? I’ll never know but why should now be any different?
So I may not be able to see where I am headed right now, but I will never get anywhere if I lay down and cry about it.
And maybe I’m missing the point entirely. I have big dreams for where I want to go in this life but it’s important to realize that money and a career aren’t the only things that make a person worthwhile or successful.