Not there

I have always tried to keep this blog a place of positivity and hopefulness. I have always believed that good things happen to those who work and most of my posts revolve around this underlying theme. But I’m just not there right now. I haven’t posted all week because I just didn’t want to put these negative thoughts out in the universe to poor unsuspecting blog readers.

good-news-now-everyone-has-mental-health-coverage

But the truth is, I’m not always positive. I don’t always believe that I can do anything I set my mind to. Sometimes I lose faith. Sometimes I wake up with puffy dark eyes because I cried for hours the day before. Which only spirals me into a deeper state of self loathing because I look so hideous. Sometimes “Everything happens for a reason” is just not a good enough answer anymore. Sometimes “Things will all work out” makes me want to punch the person telling me so in the teeth.

I get very frustrated when I can’t seem to control what’s happening in my life. When I tie on my running shoes and step out on the road, I control it from there. If I have a bad run, there is no one to blame but myself. So I just decide to do better next time.

But life isn’t so easy. Money, children, opportunities (both taken and missed) are all very complicated. And it’s very difficult for a go-getter such as myself to stand by waiting for “everything to work out”.

eek

“There are no hopeless situations. Only people who have grown hopeless about them.” -Clare Booth Luce

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6 comments

  1. Of course you’re not always positive. Realism is a good thing, and kudos to you for expressing it. Oh, and that “everything happens for a reason” thing? A complete fallacy – an invention of the worst kind of shallow theology. Don’t be trapped by that stuff. Sometimes things just happen – good things to bad people, bad things to good people, and everything in between. If we focus on why, we’ll go mad. Don’t know if you’re of a theological bent, but I believe with all my heart that the whole story of God is that he/she is right here beside us, celebrating or crying along with us through all of it – not standing in the background pulling strings or trying to teach us lessons by putting us through crappy circumstances. So feel free to take off that mask and be yourself!

  2. I’ve never been a believer in “everything happens for a reason.” I subscribe to the “sometimes shit just happens” school of thought. Sorry that you’re going through a rough time. I’m just a random stranger who found your blog awhile ago, and I have no idea who your other readers are, but as far as I’m concerned you definitely don’t have to feel like your blog needs to be all sunshine and rainbows (I usually remove those types of blogs from my feed, if they’re always about how wonderful everything is – I just can’t relate to people like that).

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