Losing sleep

I have been losing a lot of sleep the last week or so. I finally got hired as a substitute teacher in a school district really close to where we are living. So obviously, I am super relieved to be making money now. BUT I didn’t actually think about how hard this job would  be.

I mean…I just got done talking about how I hate being the new person and now I am in a job where I am the new person every single day. One of my first jobs was a full day as a first grade sub.


I walked in to this classroom and almost had a panic attack. As I tried to read over the teacher’s notes for me, I quickly realized that I was completely unequipped for this. I mean, a few summers working a summer camp during college was a decent start but this was terrifying!

I made it through the day…somehow…mostly thanks to the teachers around me (they saved me several times). And I was EXHAUSTED after this. I never nap because I am just  not the kind of person that can lay down for 20 minutes to power nap and move on. It takes me a really long time to calm down enough to sleep and then I just want to stay asleep forever so I just try to avoid taking naps. But when I get off work, I am so tired the only thing I can think about is laying down to sleep.

I went to bed at 9pm last night! (right after I fell asleep on the couch trying to watch Biggest Loser).

But, friends, I am frustrated because while I am soooo sleepy and tired…I can’t sleep! I lay down and pass out for a few hours but once I wake up in the night I just lay there worrying. What grade am I going to tomorrow? Will the students behave? Will I make a huge mistake? Will I get a parking spot? Will I still have time to run? Will the other teachers be helpful?

All that being said, I know this job was meant just for me. I need to learn to be more flexible and this job is certainly going to help me with that. I mean, seriously…an OCD, list maker, plan all my workouts a month ahead of time now working a job where you don’t know what you’re doing or where you’re going until 5:30am the day of.

Yeah, that’s flexibility for ya…


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