I haven’t done a race recap in a while but I wanted to make sure and get this one documented for future inspiration and perspective.
I ran my first race of 2013 on Saturday which was the Frozen Buns Run on the Delmar Loop. I was really nervous about it because St. Louis has a lot more hills than Texas and it’s been pretty cold (for me).
I don’t like doing anything when it’s cold. But I have been working really hard to push myself to get out and run anyway. My buns didn’t even get that frozen on Saturday because it turned out to be in the high 50’s. But back to the point…Here are my results:
Time: 56:06 Pace: 9:02
Which is stellar for me! With all the hills and 15mph wind and I still PR’ed! I should have been ecstatic right? Well, that’s not exactly how my mind works. I struggle ya’ll! I KNOW that it’s not about what other people are doing and how fast other people are running. It called a PR because it’s a personal record…not a world one! But initally, I was disappointed with myself because I finished 17th in my division. (And let me preface this with the fact that I think hormones had a lot to do with this mood swing) but I was in a funk for a little bit. But I took some time to think about it. I looked back at past results and realized how far I have come in such a short time.
The last 10k I ran was last June and my results were this
Time: 1:02:39 Pace: 10:06
That is an aweswome improvement! And as Josh reminded me, I should be proud! So I decided to be proud. (It wasn’t as easy as I make it sound)
This is just one example of how I am working on myself this year. I didn’t post anything about new year’s resolutions or goals because for the first time EVER, I didn’t sit down and make a list of goals. I tried several times but each time, I felt so overwhelmed with all the unanswered questions in my future (as far as what is happening after this internship is over) I just didn’t write anything down.
But after some thought, I ‘ve decided to work toward some not so SMART goals, that is, goals that can’t really be measured or put to a time constraint. I am working on myself. How I feel about myself. I don’t know if many people know this, because others have told me I come off pretty chill and passive but I am actually extremely competitive. I am driven and I want to be the best. The passive part comes in because if I don’t think I’m going to be the best, or at least close to it, I won’t compete. (that’s the perfectionism in me).
And this is not the way to growth. That is the old Lindsay. That was me before I discovered running. I run races for me. To challenge myself to continuously improve. And everyone is on their own running journey. I should never berate myself for not being as good as someone else. I mean, I would never berate a friend in that way, so why do it to myself??
And this goes for A LOT more than running. There will always be someone who has more money, more hair, more generosity, more witty comments, more anything. And a crappy life I will live if I am always looking at those who have more (who I perceive to have more, that is).
So this year, I am really focusing on what I have already told you is one of the most difficult accomplishments in life…to change the way I think. My mother has always told me that guilt is a choice. Well so are disappointment and jealousy. So this year, I am going to continue working on replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. Starting with my performance in the Frozen Buns 10k.