Suffer now

I wouldn’t consider myself “a fan” of The Biggest Loser but I’ve mentioned before how much shows like that helped motivate me throughout my weight loss process. I was bored the other night and decided to pull up this season’s first episode on And despite all the suspenseful antics and commercial breaks, I was still able to enjoy the program. Don’t get me started on Jillian Michaels though…

I found that the show is still relevant to my life. Even though I have lost weight, I haven’t stopped challenging myself. I was watching these poor people suffer through grueling workouts and sometimes they just looked so defeated. Some of them argue with the trainers or just flat out don’t do what they’re being asked told to do. And I felt hopeful for them that they would stick with it and realize that the reward is worth all the pain, sweat, and tears. SPOILER if you haven’t seen the first episode and still want to don’t read this next sentence! I was sad to see that one woman left the show. She could not motivate herself to do the work and I wonder how much of it had to do with her response to Jillian’s style of coaching.

As I mentioned after the marathon, my focus has shifted to cross training right now and I have asked Josh to be my trainer. I was very apprehensive about this situation because I have never responded well to Josh in the gym.I just don’t like working out with him. Even though we are both very interested in fitness and overall health…we just don’t do it together. And it was a really good thing for our relationship when we quit trying to work out together.

But I have to admit to myself that I just don’t know anything about strength training. And he knows a lot. And since we can’t afford a personal trainer for me. if I want to improve my speed in running this year, I need to strengthen my body as a whole and prevent injury.

But there is still just that little problem of me acting like a big baby in the gym with Josh. It is so childish….I know it. Even as I am rolling my eyes at him and scoffing I realize I am acting stupid.

And I did it…last night. During our first workout together. And it’s so weird because I DOMINATED an interval run on the treadmill right before. The best time I had for that routine and yet, when I walked over to meet Josh and get started with what he had planned for me, I just became a different Lindsay. I struggled the whole time. And it had nothing to do with what my body is capable of. I felt like the people on The Biggest Loser.

You know how cats never want to come sit in your lap when you want them there? It has to be their idea to let you come near them. And I hate them for that…But I do that. Just in a different way. I like for things to be my idea and I don’t like having Josh tell me what to do. Even though I know that he is way more knowledgeable about fitness than I am.

And ya’ll…Josh is just so wonderful. He didn’t give up on me. He didn’t say fine do this yourself. He just kept encouraging me and telling me that I could do it…even when I gave him go to hell looks and just layed there when he told me to do a plank. (Awful…I know!)

And I hate that I wasted a whole workout being a baby. It is not attractive and it is not going to get me the results I need. I know I am afraid of failure and I hate to not be good at something. (and believe me…I am not good at squats and deadlifts)  But I have to remember that I wasn’t good at running when I first started. I have worked very very hard to get to where I am today. I decided to go back in my diary from my very first run when I was losing all the weight.

April 26, 2010

“…and I decided to go and walk. It was awesome! It felt so good! I felt so good! I decided to jog a little. At first it hurt my throat pretty bad, but I decided that I was not going to keep making sorry excuses for myself and my out of shape body. It only makes things worse. I kept going and ended up going around the fields 5 times jogging a section each time. I felt amazing afterward…”

So I am choosing to keep going. To work through. To try harder and to do more. Dig deeper. Because that is how we grow.

I know I have shared this quote before but it’s just so darn relevant!



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