Growing up I was really bad about getting stuck on one pair of tennis shoes. I’d buy them purely based on cuteness, and figured they’d eventually get broken in. I would just LOVE this pair of tennis shoes to death. I wore them to school every single day no matter what. They were my shoes. By the end of the school year, these shoes were pretty broken in. I even got holes in the bottoms of a couple of pairs. But I still wore them and loved them.
When it came time to buy a new pair for the new school year, it was really hard for me to give up on the old pair. My dad even hid shoes from me because I would insist on wearing them even when they were falling apart (sorry dad!). Even though I was looking forward to getting a new pair, I still loved the old shoes. Once I got to the store I’d see a new cute pair and fall in love all over again.
In our guest bedroom, there is a picture of me and my husband on his college graduation day. I don’t go in there very often but the picture caught my eye a few weeks ago.
I don’t even recognize those people! Mostly my husband. We look so different now.
When I look back at pictures of Josh from before we lost weight, he just looks so different to me. At the time, he was the most beautiful person and I loved him completely. And I still feel that way now. It’s really hard to explain what I see when I look at his old pictures without coming across offensive but I compare it to my tennis shoes. I will always have love for that old pair, they took me so many places and protected my feet from so many things. But you get that new pair and you love them too. Not more than the old pair, just different. Eventually, the old pair becomes outdated and you are so glad that you upgraded. (this analogy could also be used for purses).
I find this really comforting. I worry so much and feel an overwhelming pressure to be perfect. But those who really love me, don’t see the flaws. They just see Lindsay and they love me no matter what I look like.
Josh and I have discussed this phenomenon together and we agree on the importance of constant improvement, not only physical but emotional and mental as well. The old is never bad, it’s what you knew at the time and you appreciate it. What’s important is that your intentions are true and you keep improving as a whole person.
DISCLAIMER: I have never thought Josh was unattractive in any way. I have always loved him just the way he is and even if he suddenly grew another eyeball over night I would still love him (mostly because he loves me despite my crazy AND he helps me with housework. Now that is just downright hard to find people).
“If you would attain to what you are not yet, you must always be displeased by what you are. For where you are pleased with yourself there you have remained. Keep adding, keep walking, keep advancing.”-Saint Augustine of Hippo