I earned my stripes

Not many people know this and maybe they don’t want to but I need to talk about it.

I still remember the very day I walked in to my bathroom and saw a tiny red mark on my tummy. I had been on the Zoloft for about 2 months and was in a little bit of denial about the weight I had already gained.

I was taken aback by the mark. I thought it looked a lot like the beginnings of a stretch mark, but I didn’t want to accept that. So I went on about my life hoping that I had accidentally bumped in to something.

It didn’t take long after that first mark before I had a full tummy of stretch marks. I was very angry and upset that I had let this happen to myself. I mean, I have stretch marks on other places from my growth spurt in middle school but this I had done to myself. I had allowed this totally preventable thing to happen.

When I was heavy, the stretch marks were very red and angry looking. I hated them. I hated what they represented and I hated myself for allowing them to be there.

I started using scar cream on them and it helped a lot. As I gradually lost weight the stretch marks faded more and more. But the hatred of them has stayed.

They have diminished quite a bit from back then but they are still there. I still see them every time I change my clothes and shower. I still get very self conscious in my swim suit. I only wear my bikini around my family because I don’t want my friends to see my stretch marks.

Josh tells me that they represent all the hard work I put in. They represent where I came from. But we all know we can’t trust what a spouse or family member says right?

We have to hear it from someone else for it to be true. 

A family member posted a photo similar to this on Facebook the other day which got me thinking about my stretch marks.

I guess in some ways, I feel like my stretch marks are less lovable because they were not caused by me bringing life in to the world. In my irrational mind, stretch marks are only acceptable on a mother. My irrational mind is wrong. Josh is right. I am working very hard to love my stretch marks. They are a constant reminder of the work I put in every day for 3 years and the work I continue to put in.

“I find imperfection to be one of the most interesting things about a person.”-Unknown


One comment

  1. I had a life saving procedure when I was 4 days old and I have had a four inch scar on my stomach (just to the left of my vertical body midline) all of my life. I think of that as a reminder of how truly lucky I am to be here.

    Maybe I should write a post about all of my scars (from procedures to accidents) since I think its brave of you to talk about yours 🙂

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