I am going to change gears a little this week and not post about running today. I was going through some stuff I have saved on a jump drive and came across something I had written to myself when I was starting the weight loss process. With all the signals in society today, I have had a hard time focusing on my ultimate goal (which was not just “to get skinny”). I originally set out on this journey hoping that the skinny would be a side effect of my ultimate goal of gaining confidence in myself. I realized that the unhappiness I was feeling was caused by a lack of love for who I am which was being exacerbated by the fact that I was overweight.
I have come a very long way, but I do find myself with a complex. It is a common misconception that losing weight will just “make you happy”. And this is not the case. I told myself if I could just get back down to my original weight I would be satisfied. Well, I am 10 pounds under that now and I still struggle to be satisfied. I still look in the mirror and see the flaws. I foolishly believed that I would gain perspective as a divine gift from above. The truth is, I have had to work to gain this perspective. I have to remind myself daily to see the positive things about my body and my life.
Coming across the note I had written myself came at a really good time.
It was titled “What healthy means to me”
- To talk to God every day about everything
- To believe in God’s grace and eternal love not only for me, but everyone
- To love my body, especially the flaws
- To love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy
- To be gracious to myself and others
- To refrain from negative self talk
- To focus on the goals, not the obstacles
- To keep jealousy and envy out of my heart and mind
- To make a little time for myself everyday for reflection and stress relief
- To make time for hobbies and interests
- To make smart food choices that provide my body with essential nutrients
- To exercise, in some form, a little everyday
- To remember the story of the dragonfly
“Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.” -Doris Mortman