Realization

After a failed attempt to fix my life with anti-depressant medication years ago, gaining 50 pounds, and losing 65, I have become consumed with everything related to weight loss and body image. Calories, exercise, food, and everything that goes in to making sure that the calories I take in are less than the calories I burn. However, while I still have a couple vanity pounds I wouldn’t mind taking off I need to change my focus. If I am going to successfully train for a marathon, I must learn to see my body as a machine and food as fuel. This was something I considered heavily while I was deciding whether it was a good time to take on the marathon. I have doubts that I am ready to transition to this thought process. But what I eventually decided was that ready or not, it is time. I am beginning to notice tendencies returning. Tendencies which originally caused me to seek therapy and subsequently, medication. Losing the weight was a good thing, I have learned so much about how to take care of myself. But, too much of a good thing can become a bad thing. For this reason, I took on the challenge of running a marathon with the full awareness that I would struggle with more than just motivating myself to run for extended periods of time. I must change my view of exercise from a “fix-it” when I’ve overindulged to an enjoyable activity which causes the release of endorphins and gets me that much closer to my ultimate marathon goal.

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